October

At this point, it's very clear to me that God/the universe has plans for me. I've always struggled with submission but I've never been so ready and so excited to submit. The love I have felt in the last few days has been so real and so overwhelming.

A couple of weekends ago, my friend invited me to a gallery opening/poetry reading here in the neighborhood. The poems and stories about struggling in Chicago really hit me hard. About how this city can be so Janus-faced. There's a real beauty to Chicago, but people here know suffering well. Of course, there are those who suffer much more, but nevertheless, I've always felt like suffering and exhaustion is a common thread for Chicagoans.



But there's so much more to it. The people here who have followed me along the way and have seen me grow up will always be there for me. It means a lot. To have people who will do anything for you and stand by you no matter what. The pain of suffering immediately transforms into a very real and sincere gratitude. The kind that makes you weep in public from feeling loved by those people who haven't given up on their city and haven't given up on you.

But there's someone else now too. I think it's another part of the plan. It's amazing how things can sometimes just happen when you least expect it. And this has been a recurring theme in the last several weeks.



I feel emotionally raw and vulnerable right now, but it's also this feeling of shedding a skin of my former self. The next chapter is beginning and I'm prepared for a rebirth. It's exciting. There's no time to remain idle. God has show himself to me in recent weeks and I have to follow the lead.